Why Looking After Yourself Isn't Selfish

By Debbie Wyer on 04 May 2025

"Well-being is a journey. The secret is committing to that journey and taking those first steps with hope and belief in yourself." - Deepak Chopra

For a long time, I believed that looking after myself had to come after everything else. There was always something more important to do. Another class to plan. Another email to answer. Another job to tick off the list.

Like many women, I wore being busy almost like a badge of honour.

As a business owner, Pilates teacher, wife, mum, daughter and friend, I wanted to be everything to everyone. I cared deeply about doing my best, but somewhere along the way, I realised I wasn't giving myself the same care and compassion that I gave so freely to other people.

Perhaps you recognise that feeling too.

The Pressure We Put on Ourselves

Many of the women I work with tell me they feel constantly busy.

They're juggling work, family, ageing parents, grandchildren, relationships, appointments, and an ever-growing list of things that "need" to be done.

Even when they stop, their minds don't. We tell ourselves:

"I should be doing more."
"I haven't done enough today."
"I'll look after myself once everything else is finished."

The trouble is, that list is never really finished.

A Different Way of Looking at Wellbeing

One of the biggest lessons I've learnt is that wellbeing isn't another task to complete. It's the foundation that allows everything else to feel easier. 

When we take time to move, breathe, rest, and reconnect with ourselves, we aren't taking time away from the people we love. We're giving ourselves the energy, patience, and resilience to be there for them.

Looking after yourself isn't selfish. It's essential.

Five Small Changes That Helped Me

I didn't transform everything overnight. Like so much of what I teach, the changes happened gradually.

1. I became kinder to myself
I stopped expecting perfection. Some days are productive. Some days simply require rest. Both are valuable.

2. I simplified my to-do list
Rather than trying to do everything, I focus on a few important priorities each day. Finishing three meaningful tasks feels far better than carrying around a list of twenty unfinished ones.

3. I became more intentional with my time
Instead of letting the day run me, I started creating space for the things that matter most. That includes work, movement, family, and time to simply pause.

4. I learnt that saying "no" is sometimes saying "yes"
Every time we say yes to something, we're saying no to something else. Protecting time for rest, recovery, and the people who matter most isn't selfish, it's part of living well.

5. I made time to refill my own cup
Movement, meditation, walking, MELT, reading, spending time outdoors, or simply enjoying a quiet coffee all help me feel more grounded.

They aren't luxuries. They're the small habits that help me show up as the person I want to be.

Small Steps Create Lasting Change

One of the things I love most about teaching Pilates, MELT, and meditation is seeing women realise that wellbeing doesn't have to mean making huge changes.

It often starts with one small decision.

Taking a walk.
Doing five minutes of gentle movement.
Pausing for a few slow breaths.
Choosing rest without guilt.

These simple moments may seem small, but over time they create something much bigger. A body that feels more supported, a calmer mind and a greater sense of balance.

And perhaps most importantly, a kinder relationship with yourself, because your wellbeing matters too. Not just for everyone who depends on you, but for you.